Sometimes you just have to “open a can”. Darth Vader had to show Luke who his Daddy was, the Bride had to kill Bill, and Harry Callahan had some punk make his day. I haven’t really cracked my knuckles and rolled out some hardcore kitchen ninja skills in a while, so I thought that it was high time. Besides, I don’t like the way the wok and cast iron skillet were eyeballin’ me from the sidelines, and I can’t abide that. It was time to show this kitchen what time it was, in the parlance of Morris Day.
“Gimmie a little bit o’ dat pepper. Gimmie a little bit o’ dat salt. Put it in a skillet and cook it. On that stove I bought.” – Morris Day, “Skillet“
So I thought I’d do a little stir fry (sans rice or noodles as a bed) and a veggie side. Making things up as I went along, and adding premium ingredients along the way, this became extra kick-ass.
Stir Fry Beef Boo-Yah
- 1 packet sliced beef
- 2 stalks celery, sliced
- 1 garlic clove, sliced
- 1 shallot, chopped fine
- 1 tbsp chives chopped
- 1/8 cup julienned red onions
- 2 medium carrots, peeled and sliced thin with a peeler
- Small handful of cilantro, torn, de-stemmed
- Paprika, rough sea salt, ground black pepper to taste
- Splash of liquid smoke
- Soy Sauce
- Trader Joe’s Stir-Fry Sauce
Heat the hell out of the wok. While that’s going on, prep everything. Put all the green stuff (except the cilantro) into one small bowl, the onions, garlic and shallot into another, the rest of the veggies into a third, and the meat into a medium bowl with the paprika, salt, pepper, and a splash of liquid smoke, Stir that up to coat. To cook, put a couple rounds of canola or vegetable oil into the wok, dump in the meat. Stir for a minute or two until no longer pink, then dump in the onions/garlic bowl. Stir for another minute. Then dump in the rest of the vegetables in and stir for another minute or two. Finally, a round or two of soy sauce and stir fry sauce to finish it off. Remove, plate and garnish with the cilantro.
Wild Boar BS
- 4 slices of wild boar bacon
- 6-8 brussels sprouts
- 1 shallot, chopped
- 1 clove garlic, chopped
- Olive oil
Start off with some olive oil in the cast iron skillet. Run the brussels sprouts through the food processor on the slicer disc. Cut up the bacon into small, 1 cm strips and start them frying until starting to crisp. Then dump in the shallot and garlic. Stir until they brown, about 1-2 minutes. Finally add the brussels sprouts and stir well for about 3-4 minutes until all the bacon grease is soaked up and the sprouts have a golden greenish hue. Plate, devour, and celebrate your manliness.